Things were going along just fine in the sex department until you got pregnant and, nine months later, out popped a wailing newborn. Body changes, family changes and new responsibilities can sometimes make post-baby sex more challenging, but what’s normal? Here, our experts tell it like it is.

1. Your sex drive revs back up around six weeks after giving birth.
False: While most doctors give women the all-clear for sex six weeks after childbirth, not all women are raring to go. And according to many experts, including Trina Read, PhD, a sex therapist in Alberta, Canada, it can take a woman months, even an entire year to regain her sex drive. “It is my experience that the majority of women completely lose interest in sex for at least a year after the baby is born,” she says. “Because many women associate sex with performing just another chore, having to be touched becomes just another sacrifice on her part. So, when he touches her, whether he wants sex or not, her body immediately shuts down.” The solution? Make time for no-pressure intimacy, like cuddling on the couch together after the baby is asleep, that doesn’t necessarily end in sex, says Dr. Read.

2. You probably won’t snap back into shape right away, and your faltering body image might make you shy away from sex.
True: “We see so many images of celebrities sporting bikinis and baring their toned, taut bodies right after giving birth,” points out Claire Mysko, coauthor of Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby. “The reality is that most new moms' bodies don't look like that—and most new moms don't have celebrity bank accounts for trainers and designer diets.” Try not to dwell on how your body has changed, says Mysko, since it could be a downer to your sex life—especially one that’s already taking a beating from the baby. “To put it simply, bad body image kills the mood,” she adds. Here’s Mysko’s best body image advice for new moms: “Treat yourself with kindness and compassion as you heal and adjust to your new life as a parent. The truth is that women are much harder on themselves about their post-childbirth bodies than their partners are. Of the husbands and partners we surveyed, most said that their biggest concern was that their wives didn’t feel more confident about their bodies.”

3. Your husband is counting down the minutes until you’re cleared to have sex again.
False: Whether it’s because of a C-section, a bad tear or other complications, there’s usually a period of time when sex is out of the question after the birth of a baby, and it’s easy for a woman to feel as though her husband is getting impatient—especially after nine long months of pregnancy when you may not have had as much sex as you used to. You may worry, “Is he getting impatient about having sex again?” Maybe, says Mysko, but probably not. Here’s why: “We heard from guys that it wasn't the sex they missed the most after childbirth, it was the connection.” Other experts, like Irvine, California–based psychologist and sex therapist Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, say male hormones are at play. “The hormone vasopressin can dampen a man's sex drive,” Dr. Buehler says. “Vasopressin is a kind of male bonding chemical,” she continues, which helps fathers connect with babies—and mothers. Even if you aren’t ready to have sex just yet, a hug or some snuggling can go a long way in the intimacy department.

4. Your vagina may never be the same again.
True: It’s something none of us really wants to hear, but “after childbirth, many women have looser vaginas,” says Brad Douglas, MD, an ob-gyn and Chesapeake, Virginia–based expert forJustAnswer.com. But if you’re worried about this affecting your sex life, don’t. “Yes, the vaginal tissue does expand from childbirth, but it’s very pliable.” In most cases, he says, your anatomy should return to its normal shape in the months following delivery. However, if you feel that something isn’t quite right—pressure, a continued feeling of “looseness” or pain during intercourse—it could be a sign of a “pelvic organ prolapse,” says Dr. Douglas, and it’s something you should talk to your doctor about. In the meantime, heath experts say the best thing women can do post-delivery is to try Kegel exercises, which can help tighten your vaginal and pelvic floor muscles.

5. Breastfeeding makes you feel sexier.
False: Your breasts swell and may increase several sizes after having a baby, so it stands to reason that you’d feel sexier with your curvier, perkier breasts, right? But the truth is, says Mysko, you probably won’t. While breastfeeding is great for the health of your baby, it’s probably not going to do much for your sex life. “The breastfeeding hormone prolactin inhibits the release of estrogen, the hormone that gives women libido,” she says. “Breastfeeding moms can lose interest in sex and experience vaginal dryness. Some breastfeeding moms also describe a feeling of being ‘touched out.’ When you have a baby on the boob all day and you're pumping breast milk, you might get turned off when your partner wants to touch them.”

6. Sex may hurt at first, but it shouldn’t hurt that badly.
True: Even if you had a normal birth experience, with minimal trauma, you can expect a bit of pain the first time you have sex again. Your vagina will be tender and natural dryness can amplify things. That’s normal, says Hope Ricciotti, MD, an associate professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and a medical expert at BeWell.com. She encourages her patients to use lubricant, even if they never have before; it can be your best bet to minimize friction and pain, she says. What’s not normal, however, is pain that doesn’t subside with a little lubrication or time. “Scar tissue from a tear or episiotomy can result in painful intercourse,” says Jaiya, a sex educator and birth coach in Los Angeles. “Scar tissue results in the ‘pinchy’ sensation that many women feel during intercourse after having a baby. I had keloidal scars that made intercourse so painful that it became traumatic.” Bottom line: If the pain doesn’t feel normal, give your body a little more time to heal and make an appointment to see your doctor. [Jaiya only uses her first name. (She was recently on the Tyra Banks show)]

7. Your husband may develop the “Oh-No-I’m-Married-to-a-Mother” syndrome.
True: He’s overjoyed to meet his new baby and is so in love with you, so wait, why is he suddenly shying away from sex? “Some men are raised to believe that mothers are placed in a separate category,” says Hilda Hutcherson, MD, a New York–based gynecologist and the author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex. “It can be even harder for some men to get past this if they were in the labor room and saw the delivery,” she continues. “You’re a mother now, and while it can be a turn-on for some men, for others it’s not.” If you fear that your husband is shying away from sex because he sees you in a different light, talk to him about it. “You have to remind (and show) him that you’re still the same sexy woman that you were before the baby. You may be someone’s mother now, but you’re still his lover.”

8. If you need lubricant, something is wrong with you. 
False: Every woman has heard the “frigid” rumors—that vaginal dryness means you’re closed up, disinterested in lovemaking and not sexy. Wrong! “You may be very turned on, but still very dry,” says Jaiya. “There is nothing wrong. The postpartum period is a very dry period due to hormonal changes.” The remedy? Lots of lubrication. “This is a good time to experiment and find your favorite lube,” she says.